Birth Mother’s Day is May 9. As it approaches, my heart is in reflection.
Imagine for some reason you had to choose a new mother for your child.
Think of all the qualities you would want that woman to possess… kindness, gentleness, loyalty, patience, wisdom, stability, the ability to love and nurture your child and shape who they will be. Think of the amount of trust you would be putting into her. Think of the tremendous treasure you would be placing into her arms. Think of the panic that must be in the corners of your heart as you hand your child over to her – frantically wondering if that woman will really be all that you’re trusting her to be.
Twice, a woman has chosen me to mother her child. Twice, a woman has placed that child into my arms and trusted that I would come through on my promises. Twice they have signed their name on a paper in court saying it was forever – no turning back. Twice they have had faith in my marriage, in my abilities, in my character, in my commitment.
I don’t take it lightly. And I don’t kid myself in thinking that I am even a little bit worthy.
I think about those two women every single day. Every day, my heart aches for and longs for Harbor’s birth mom. (Aaaaand here comes the tears, because that is a wound that is still so very raw). Every day, my heart wonders about Noley’s birth mom and if she’s safe. When my children do something wonderful, those women come to mind as quickly as my husband does. When my children are hurting, I hope that somehow those women can feel that I am comforting them. That I love them as fiercely as if they had come from my body. That I am doing my best to come through on my promises. And that I am so so grateful for these gifts.
I don’t claim to speak for every adoptive mom, and I know open adoption is something that sounds terrifying to many people from the outside. But these emotions have been my experience. And they are so bitter, and so unbelievably sweet. These women are woven into my soul so tightly that they feel like an extension of me. They gave life to my children and they gave me the gift of being their mom. On Birth Mother’s Day and every day, I am grateful.
How should I be so blessed?
And this is where I wish I could post a picture of me, Noley’s birth mom, and Harbor’s birth mom together. A picture I dreamed of having and for two months told myself we’ll make it happen eventually. But then it was too late.
Instead, my full arms. Physical evidence of my full heart.
Happy Birth Mother’s Day, Alex & Veronica.